This piece is entirely satirical.

COVID-19 is a joke. The obviously fake virus only affects the elderly, which is why not a single teenager has contracted it. The so-called disease has altered the ability to publicly have social gatherings for everyone, most seriously teenagers. Due to COVID-19, they have to throw discreet parties and refrain from posting about their latest vacations to avoid getting canceled by their peers. Despite the drama the virus has generated, there is only one question left that trumps all others:

Who had it worse, the class of 2020 or the class of 2021?

Calm down, please, calm yourselves. I know this debate is touchy — well, at least it is on social media. According to the students of KHS, 75.4% (181/240) believe the class of 2021 had it worse than the class of 2020. These students are the kinds that get made fun of by those superior. You’ll occasionally see a post from either side claiming one had it better than the other, which leads to a vicious war between classes in the comments section. Eventually, a peacemaker will demand the fighting to stop, suggesting everyone should agree that COVID-19 has affected each person differently. Those people are the worst. They propose we help each other through the pandemic instead of going at each other’s throats — but they’re wrong. We should’ve supported the class of 2020 during the horrendous tragedy of missing a quarter of school due to COVID-19.

The class of 2020 was utterly shocked when schools shut down after spring break. I mean, it isn’t like researchers warned Americans the virus would dramatically spread through travel. COVID-19 came overnight and ruined the class of 2020’s lives. Some of them had to cancel their long-awaited spring break trips, while the most intelligent among us didn’t care about spreading the disease and traveled to Mexico anyway. Life is too short for some government-manufactured viruses to steal a full week of luxury. Potentially killing someone by spreading COVID-19 is no big deal as long as you can drink your strawberry margaritas legally.

On top of that, the class of 2020 missed out on an entire quarter of their senior year. This quarter would’ve been the most exciting, full of lengthy exams that every student craves studying for. Thankfully, KHS gave them the option of a grade freeze, as I’m sure many students of the class of 2020 needed. It’s not like the rest of the students were going through the exact same thing, so it’s obvious only the seniors needed this gift. It’s a shame that the class of 2020 missed out on an entire one-sixteenth of their high school career. Instead of cherishing each moment, they spent the first three quarters of their senior year ignoring their classes and posting on social media about how rough their life is due to senioritis. The students of 2021 wouldn’t understand this — they can’t possibly have the same senioritis since they won’t be having an entire year of traditional school activities like the class of 2020 did. The seniors of 2020 got impacted first, so they have dibs on being sad — let them be. 

Besides, the class of 2021 has the option of being at school. They should be grateful to learn in-person; vision-impairing desk shields are all the rage. Come on, the current seniors at least get to talk to their friends during class. Even if everything has completely changed, who cares? They are physically in the building. Game over, class of 2021. You lose.

Most importantly, the class of 2020 missed out on their prom. Even though this was their second chance to attend prom, what’s the big deal? Everyone knows the second prom is the only one that matters. So what if the class of 2021 didn’t get a normal prom (possibly no prom at all) or senior homecoming dance, forcing most students to graduate without ever having that experience? They had every opportunity to have their own “FOCO,” where the virus spread faster than the hate comments on social media posts. All in all, the class of 2021 can’t complain — at least they got to greet the freshmen on the first day of school by waving at their computers for a video compilation. 

Let’s not forget that the class of 2020 had plenty of senior activities. Some of these included three quarters full of football games, homecoming dances, Turkey Day hallway decorations and senior-hosted welcomes. Nevertheless, they had to sweat bullets graduating on a football field in the middle of the summer. Let’s all take a moment of silence for the seniors who must’ve sweat miserably underneath that cap and gown for the two hours they wore it.

And yes, the class of 2021 had absolutely no fan-filled football games, homecoming dances, Turkey Day traditions, in-person senior welcomes on the first day of school or any senior activities. At least they got streamers in the senior hallway the week before Thanksgiving break. They disappeared the night after they hung across the hall, but the class of 2021 had streamers for an entire school day; shame on them for complaining.

COVID-19 should’ve stayed in 2019. But it didn’t, and the class of 2020 had to face a terrible tragedy by missing a month and a half’s worth of school they would’ve had. The seniors of 2020 had a tough decision to make. They had to decide if they were willing to give up the opportunity to take their exciting final exams if they had a high grade. The class of 2021 is lucky to be held to pre-COVID testing expectations. They should be honored that the KSD administration expects them to have adapted to online learning, and they should be eternally grateful. Class of 2020, we share your grief and recognize this is the only feeling that matters.