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Janine Gassel

It may surprise you the amount of so-called ‘appropriate’ songs that are actually about doing the dirty. Here are four songs you didn’t know were about sex.

In case you haven’t realized, practically every song is about sex. Whether the song is played on the radio, at a party or even a children’s birthday, I’ll bet it has at least something to do with lovemaking. Afterall, its been proven that sex sells. However, it may surprise you the amount of so-called ‘appropriate’ songs that are actually about doing the dirty. Here are five songs you didn’t know were about sex. 

Barbie Girl: I remember singing Barbie Girl in my room with my best friends when I was in third grade. I even did a dance to this song in my recital when I was eight. I was so young and naive. So oblivious to the real significance of the song. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but… Barbie Girl is also about making love. I mean hello? Take a look at these raunchy lines: “I’m a blond bimbo girl in a fantasy world. Dress me up, make it tight, I’m your dolly.” Mattel, the corporate owners of the ‘Barbie’ brand, sued MCA Records, the record company that produced Barbie Girl. They claimed the song violated the Barbie trademark and “turned her into a sex object.” It seems as if nowadays almost every song is about doing the dirty. Come on, a Barbie is a toy for a child. How could someone twist it into a song about intimacy? I’m truly disappointed in everyone’s nasty minds. Next time you see a young child screaming the lyrics to Barbie Girl, wash their mouth out with soap. 

The Macarena: One and two and a three macarena. A song famous for the dance where you move your arms and shake your butt in a circle. Who knew such a popular tune could have such a promiscuous meaning. In fact, Macarena is a word used to describe a woman who is attempting to get men to dance with her.  If the woman is satisfied with their moves, Macarena claims she’s happy to take them home after the night out. A song once known for its fun dance that encouraged everyone to get up off their seats is now ruined by its provocative message. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to this song the same again. I mean seriously, how am I supposed to be OK with the fact that a song about sex could possibly be playing at a children’s birthday party? Thinking back, I don’t know how I never picked up on the actual message. Moving your hips around in a circle? Come on, it’s obvious at this point. The next time you’re at a party and you hear the Macarena while you’re out, make sure you tell the DJ its true meaning. 

Sweet Caroline: I can’t believe I’m even writing this right now. My own name, Caroline, has somehow been twisted into meaning something it is not. The definition of Caroline is ‘free’ or ‘beautiful woman’ in Latin. However, the lyrics portray something different. “Hands touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you.” I don’t think it can get any more sexual than that. Consider the name Caroline officially ruined. Sweet Caroline is a classic, light-hearted song that is played at social gatherings where people shout the famous lyrics: “Sweet Caroline, bum bum bum!” Well, I am here to inform you this hooting and hollering needs to stop. People can no longer blast these lyrics (or should I say my name) without knowing what’s really coming out of their mouth. Someone had to break the news, and I thought someone named Caroline might be best for the job.

Cotton Eye Joe: Yep, that’s right. Good ole Cotton Eye Joe. Well, he’s not so good anymore; the Joe you thought you once knew is gone. Many claim the song Cotton Eye Joe is actually about STDs. And if you take a listen, the lyrics seem to fit seamlessly. “If it hadn’t been for Cotton Eye Joe, I’d been married a long time ago.” Honestly, it sounds pretty suspicious if you’re asking me. Even the Urban Dictionary lists the term Cotton Eye Joe as: “The act of a man having his urethra swabbed to test for STDs.” At least it’s promoting safety… Nevertheless, this song is still about sex. Whether it’s talked about in an instructional way or a provocative way, it can’t be ignored. The once upbeat anthem is now a song about sexually transmitted diseases. I’m just as shocked as you. 

Come On Eileen: You might know Come On Eileen as your dad’s favorite song. Released in 1982, it’s safe to say this song is an oldie but a goodie. However, just because it’s a classic, doesn’t mean it’s safe from obscene underlying meanings. Believe it or not, Come On Eileen, otherwise known as the ‘dad’s’ song,  is also about sex. Take a listen to the lyrics: “You in that dress, my thoughts I confess, verge on dirty, oh, come on Eileen.” Hate to say it, but even back then songs were not all sunshine and rainbows. Come On Eileen, along with many other songs in the 80s, were not as clean as they may have appeared. My apologies if this comes as a surprise to you, but next time you have a decades themed party, look over your playlist a couple times to make sure everything is PG.