Let’s talk about sex

“Just don’t do it,” Ella* believes. Don’t have sex in high school. It is not the time or place in life to experience the deep connection that sex creates.

“I don’t think you should be having sex with someone until you’re in love with them and I think that being in high school, we are too young to experience being in love,” she said.

Ella is a virgin. A virgin who believes the time will come when she will find someone who she can connect to both emotionally and physically.

“I can’t see myself right now having a family and having a real life with [someone] because I’m too young,” Ella said. “I’m too immature to think about that. I [don’t] think you should have sex until you could potentially be ready to have a family, [and] a life with [that] person.”

Her thoughts on sex do not stem from religion, and she does not believe people have to wait until marriage to have sex with their significant other, but she personally wants to save her first time for her husband.

“I’m not traditional, but I think it’s a really special thing to save it for your husband,” she said. “I’m not going to promise that, but it’s really special to think about your future with someone. That’s the greatest gift that you can give your husband.”

Ella believes sex is an experience that will stay with a person for a long time and the participant must feel completely sure when committing to someone on this level.

“You should ask yourself if it’s worth it for that person and if it’s worth it for you,” she said. “If [both of you are] not 100 percent on board and not 100 percent committed, if you have even the slightest bit of hesitation, then you shouldn’t [have sex] because you’re going to regret it and you can’t take that back.”

She also thinks that some people mistake love in high school as simply a physical connection. Ella believes there is a possibility to achieve love in high school, but in most cases, people exaggerate their feelings and when they think they have found ‘the one.’

“Our hormones are going all over the place and we might think that that’s the best decision for us and for our significant others,” she said. “But in reality, I think it can turn into a mistake really quickly.”

In her opinion, forfeiting time and energy for a significant other is difficult to do during high school. Ella also thinks high schoolers do not have the exposure to enough people to find what they love and that it takes more than just one person for an individual to define love.

“Love is a lot different than being in love,” she said. “Love, I think, is a big thing with sacrifice and devoting your lives to each other and being willing to put anything down for them. I think to be able to say that you’re in love with someone in high school [is]  a little much. It stands for a lot more than just liking someone and feeling special around them; it’s a lot deeper of a meaning.”

Ella said that people have made comments about her virginity and have judged her for remaining abstinent. Although she said she was not surprised by the comments, she felt the need to defend her stance.

“I didn’t really realize how much [sex] means to other people, how much it is a part of their life [and] how [sex is] casual for other people, because it’s not casual for me at all,” she said. “I don’t think it should be a casual thing that you just throw around to anyone because it’s a very big part of you to give to someone if it’s your first time or your 50th.”