Please don’t be alarmed when I tell you that you’re currently reading an article written by a pair of pants.
You might remember me. A few weeks ago, that attractive Call writer named Johnny Frohlichstein wore me. One might say I’m incredibly stylish. I’m tight-fitting, hi-lighter yellow and black, plaid and absolutely glamorous. Oh, and I have skulls on my pockets.
Johnny found me in the female section of Hot Topic. He took me under his wing, raised me, nurtured me. Finally, I was ready to be worn to school, along with Johnny’s pink cross country shirt and old tennis shoes.
I can honestly say it was the best day of my life. All of the attention was focused on me. Even his pink shirt couldn’t compare to how classy I was. People looked at me with all kinds of expressions. Some gave me a thumbs up (not Johnny, me). Some had lust in their eyes. Some told Johnny they were envious of how attractive he was. Three freshmen cried.
As the day progressed, I began to recognize the pure joy I was bringing to KHS. Whenever anyone saw me, they immediately began to laugh (clearly because I made them giddy). By lunch, I was the talk of the town. I was so famous people began taking pictures of me. Even Johnny admitted he was jealous of the attention I was getting.
Almost everyone who saw Johnny throughout the day asked him why he was wearing me, to which he replied, “To brighten everyone’s Monday.” He is such a liar. I know he wore me for the sole reason that I am completely modernistic and fashionable.
The highlight of my day came during sixth hour. Ms. Pettitt, Johnny’s English teacher, was so fascinated by me that she wanted Johnny to parade about while wearing me. So, I got to walk through the middle of the courtyard. I have no doubt that everyone in a class with a courtyard view was ogling at me with pure wonder. Afterward, I was told that Dr. Holley was in an English class at the time. He saw Johnny walking and exclaimed, “Look at Johnny’s pants!”
Before the final class of the day, Johnny confessed he was apprehensive about wearing me before the day began. He said he thought people would look at him like he was doing something absurd, like wearing his shoes on his hands or driving a go-kart through the hallway. I told him to simply relax. To relish the opportunity to do something out of the norm that high school sets for all of us.
And it worked out for him. He got almost as many compliments as I did. Well, not almost. But he got some compliments.
Finally, it was time for seventh hour. The moment Johnny walked in to class, the entire Call staff swarmed me, begging and pleading for pictures and autographs. I gave them nothing, instead offering to write an article for the newspaper to explain my wonderful day at KHS.
Did I mention how attractive Johnny is?
