Imagine every time you have looked at a bad tattoo. The artistry will always cause you to take a second look, and yes, that is a dragon with a flaming guitar on that lady’s face.  But something that makes me cringe even more than the fluorescent lime green smiley face on that girl in your gym class’ leg, is if she has one that matches her car.

Bumper stickers that read, “Love, peace and hair grease,” tend to make trailer parks look more appealing than your Honda Prius. Now don’t get me wrong; I admire self-expression – just not when I’m driving behind you on Ballas and your car is screaming for “Love because it grows in all places.” Yes, that is a real sticker. And, the person driving that circus-on-wheels usually fits the same bill. First, they’re between the ages 16 to 58. Every 16-18-year-old usually has the same motive; they want their sticker to be insightful and change my day somehow. Well it did. It caused me to question why you’re obnoxious enough to put a sticker on your car that reads, “How’s my driving? Text me and let me know.” I’d rather not communicate with you period. Second, when you pass them they’re doing one of two things. They‘re either singing to their indie rock and stroking their beard (females stroke their hair) or looking at you as you drive by to see your reaction to their car.

So, let’s just say every sticker a person has is the way the driver speaks. Would you ever converse with someone that said to you, “I enjoy the life I lead. You should enjoy it too?” Well, I’d love to if you weren’t so irritating. Steps to learning how to live without bumper stickers are simple, and I just so happen to have them posted right below my license plate.

1. Take off your bumper stickers because, honestly, reading it didn’t make me rethink the life I lead or laugh myself into a coma. They made me question why you’d quote Snooki from Jersey Shore and think it was necessary to add to your already unappealing car.

2. Hey, let’s not use your car to promote presidential campaigns from 2004. Yes, I’m looking at you, George W.

3. I realize love is important in making the world go round, but I’d love if it wasn’t advertised on your Kia Soul.

So, come on. Let’s be honest with ourselves. If that lady with the rock dragon tattoo could tell you, “Hey, that sticker with Fidel Castro riding unicorn is too much,” you should reevaluate some things.