There is nothing in this world more cuddly than a placenta.
At least, this is the truth according to British designer Alex Green. For a couple years now, Green has been selling kits for new mothers to turn the organ, often called “afterbirth,” into a displayable teddy bear.
“I was very interested in how it was discarded unceremoniously as medical waste, why it’s discarded and how we could bring it back,” Green said to ABC News in 2009. “It was really about provoking a debate about placentas and how we treat them.”
Oh right, I think I studied that in AP US history. The great placenta civil rights movement.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand quirky behavior, especially with new parents. My own mom and dad wrote diaper-changing songs. As strange as it may be to sing two separate songs about soiled diapers (especially to such catchy tunes), my parents did not make those used diapers into a beloved childhood toy.
Probably the worst part of it all is the immense effort and gross labor that goes into creating these leathery afterbirth bears. According to a review by www.inhabitots.com, the placenta must first be severed in half, cured with sea salt then treated with an egg yolk and tannin to make it “soft and pliable.” Next comes the fun part; crafting and sewing the placenta into the shape of a bear. You know hospitals throw these things away for free, right? There is the miracle of birth, but there is also the miracle of knowing when things get just too weird.
Care Bears are positively adorable and now smell like fruit. Winnie the Pooh is a timeless childhood classic. Corduroy Bear swears he is your best friend. But placenta bears? Thanks, I think I will cuddle with a cactus first.
