It’s common knowledge that when the pilgrims befriended Squanto and his tribesman, they ate tofu at the first Thanksgiving, right? Wrong. Although there is debate over whether turkey was available to the Separatists, any respectable historian would say there was no possibility the citizens of the Plymouth Colony feasted on tofurkey.

According to the National Turkey Federation, close to 90 percent of Americans gobble-up the feathered gobbler on the holiday, and with good reason. Not only is turkey healthy in comparison to beef, pork or chicken based on fat content according to a study conducted by University of Illinois, but it also is flavorful, unlike many brands of tofu.

So, let’s talk turkey. How does tofu stack up? According to Hive Health, a health education organization, based on a 100-calorie serving of tofurkey and a 100-calorie serving of turkey, the baked bird has 23 grams of protein, where-as the soy-based impostor only offers 13 grams. In the same serving, tofurkey has six grams of carbs, where as turkey is carbohydrate free. Take that, tofu.

I can respect the choices of vegetarians to live meat-free. I even tried it once myself for a couple of minutes in elementary school. It takes willpower and personal control to supplement a juicy steak with bland, soybean mush. However, meat often associates itself with other patriotic holidays. When I say Independence Day, you think of fireworks, hamburgers and hot dogs, not veggie patties and tofu bratwursts.

My colleague may argue skipping turkey for just one Thanksgiving could save a bird’s life. What could saving that turkey accomplish? I have never heard of a turkey winning an Olympic gold medal, curing a disease, painting the Sistine Chapel or writing a symphony. These animals have been born, bred and raised for the exact purpose of inducing a Thanksgiving tryptophan coma. (Tryptophan is the amino acid in food that makes the eater sleepy.)

In fact, let us imagine a world where tofurkey has taken over. We would call the annual Kirkwood-Webster football showdown Tofu Day. We would fly a giant soy bean balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The President of the United States would pardon a piece of synthetic meat. This is a nightmare world, and this is where we could be if the herbivores take over.

My personal preference is that my cranberry sauce is the only part of my Thanksgiving dinner that jiggles. It is time everyone

quit the tofu cold turkey.