In 2008, the Travel Channel premiered “Man v. Food,” a half-hour reality series in which Adam Richman, host, travels to various American eateries in search of seemingly impossible food challenges. Some involve monstrous proportions (like his visit to St. Louis’ Crown Candy Kitchen in which he unsuccessfully attempted to consume five 24 oz. malts in 30 minutes) while others feature insanely spicy dishes.
Richman’s endeavors inspired me. All for the sake of “journalism,” I searched high and low for the most preposterous eating challenges in and around St. Louis.
My research led me to Pointer’s Delivery in Clayton, where fearless foodies have been putting their skills to the test since 2001. The restaurant’s “Pointersaurus” Challenge involves a 28-inch hand-tossed pizza with a topping-less weight of around 10 lb. Each two-person team has a choice of either two meat or four veggie toppings, along with a few ladles of in-house red sauce and handfuls of fresh mozzarella.
Should a team complete the challenge, the $50 price of the pizza is waived and they are rewarded with a $500 check. Despite a sizeable reward, the Pointersaurus has quite the winning record: since its inception, more than 4500 teams have accepted the challenge and a mere 16 have conquered it within the hour allotted. Nice odds, huh?
Nevertheless, I enlisted the help of my friend and fellow pizza connoisseur Jack Vatterott, senior, and gave Pointers the required day’s notice to prepare our beast of a pie. Through some shoddy scientific reasoning we landed on tomato, green bell pepper and a double dose of onion (onions are, like, all air and water, right?) as our toppings.
Pondering the many ways in which $250 could change our lives, Jack and I took our seats at the table with a foolproof strategy: we would begin by challenging each other to finish his half first, and any remaining pizza could be tackled by the both of us.
Manager Darrell “DD” Williams reminded us of the rules and kindly provided his best advice:
“Whatever you do,” he said, “don’t slow down.” With that, he placed our enemy on the table and informed us of the starting weight: 11.5 lb. Cut like an Imo’s pizza (but much thicker and more heavily topped), the cheesy Goliath stared us down as we allowed it to cool. After 15 minutes, we seized our first pieces and dug in.
Momentum was strong, spirits were high, and the pizza was delicious… for the first few slices. As Jack continued to power through like a real man, I was bombarded with waves of nausea. I suppose Mr. Williams could see it in my face, and placed a trash can next to the table–just in case.
The tomatoes were the real bane, as they became sickeningly slimy as the pizza cooled. About 25 minutes in, I decided I might have more success with the crust: while lukewarm and firm, it proved to be less nauseating than the rest of the pizza. At this point, however, I began to realize exactly how much pizza remained in my half, and began warning Jack that our $500 was slipping away. Disappointed but determined, he continued to shovel in slice after slice, clearly not prepared to throw in the towel. I foolishly chugged down water, hoping it would calm my stomach.
Eventually, Jack realized he wouldn’t be able to finish his half and pick up my slack, so we called it quits. The Pointersaurus had won. Heads hung and stomachs bulging, we thanked our chefs and departed, leaving behind around 2-3 pounds of pizza.
What did we learn? Vegetables may seem wise at first, but they become less appetizing the longer they sit. Instead, two lean meats (chicken and turkey are both on the menu) may be better suited to success. We also grasped the true meaning of an old cliché: Your eyes really are bigger than your stomach.
UPDATE: A representative for Higher Education Channel TV, a St. Louis-based media organization, captured some footage of the challenge and put together a cool video. Check it out here.
