This piece is entirely satirical.

Some people believe nature shapes you and genetics alone determine who you are. Others claim nurture is a bigger factor and your environment shapes you. More than anything, the way you are raised forms your personality. The people who you’ve spent more time with than anyone, who has known you your whole life are the most influential. The truth is you will turn into your parents and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Are dad jokes now your sense of humor? Everyone knows the type – the real knee-slappers that dads speak like a second language. Dad jokes were comedy gold when you heard them for the first time, but at some point, they started to warrant an eye roll instead of a laugh. Unfortunately, you now might catch yourself unironically rattling off similar quips, even making yourself laugh. When an unsuspecting friend asks ‘What time is it?’ do you find yourself responding that it’s ‘Time for them to get a watch’?’ You may be further gone than you think. While I know it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you are becoming your father, be careful complaining to him,‘Help dad, I’m turning into you,’ or he might respond, ‘Hello turning into you, I’m dad.’

It’s not just your humor that’s changing. Have you noticed that lately, different shows appeal to you? Do you ever sit down to watch TV and find yourself eagerly flipping to HGTV? Ask yourself, ‘Why am I so excited to watch two middle-aged people renovate a house?’ You might already be more similar to your parents than you think. Surely, there was a time when you would have groaned if your parents had the remote and begged them to change the channel. However, now you might wind up binging episodes of “Antiques Roadshow” by choice. You thought you would never watch boring shows like your parents but here you are. You can’t stop, so you might as well just watch another episode of “Chopped.”

Now that you’re older, you might have a job and more freedom with how you spend your money. Remember all the things you wanted, or downright needed, when you were younger that your parents thought were a waste of money? Now is your chance; you could buy those shoes or that game that you couldn’t get before. But even though it seemed totally worth it at the time, you might find yourself asking, ‘Do I really need that?’ Perhaps you notice yourself scanning stores for sale items, or worrying over the steep price of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Have you had the opportunity to go out to eat, but looked at the menu prices and decided, ‘Never mind we have food at home.’? Your mom would be so proud to see that you’re just like her.

So call it nurture if you want, one thing will decide who you are. You can’t avoid it. Don’t fight it, just relax and let yourself become who you were always bound to be: your parents.