Written in the stars
January 7, 2022
Who needs NASA? We have zodiac signs.
The world’s greatest threat: Cancer. Not the disease, the zodiac sign. Their mood swings give me whiplash, and their need to tear up over every little inconvenience makes it hard to have an actual conversation with them.
If you’re an offended Cancer reading this, go cry about it. And if you’re adamant that zodiac signs are a myth, (a) you’re probably a hard-headed fire sign and (b) you may be surprised to learn that I was just like you. Over quarantine, I saw one TikTok on astrology that sent me down a rabbit-hole that I’m still trying to climb my way out of. I figured out the rest of my astrology chart and spent hours analyzing it, trying to find truth in something I initially thought was a joke. And guess what? My chart was almost spot on.
I’m eager to please, like my Libra Venus says, I’m straight-to-the-point, a trait connected to my Scorpio Mercury and I have trouble letting things go, thanks to my Cancer moon. I was a little creeped out since my chart described me so well, but my curiosity compelled me to analyze my friends and family’s charts. So I did. After interrogating people for the time, date and place of their births, I let them look over their placements while I sat back with a smirk. Every single time they found a ring of truth in their chart, and every single time I would say “I told you so,” (this know-it-all trait I blame on my Capricorn rising).
I often see people label teenage girls who buy into astrology as gullible, but keep in mind this belief is way older than you. Astrology is the study of the movements of the sun and stars, as well as how they influence human affairs. This practice dates back to the Babylonians in ancient Mesopotamia around 1500 BC. Later, during the Hellinistic period, Greeks combined the Babylonians’ beliefs with Egyptian tradition to create horoscopic astrology. Even ancient Chinese and Indian cultures created their own form of the zodiacs. See? Your weekly horoscopes actually have centuries worth of history.
Now, I get that astrology isn’t backed up by facts, but not all our beliefs in life need to have “scientific evidence.” Sometimes our beliefs illuminate our life with a bit of fun, which is exactly what zodiac signs are. So many people are drawn to astrology because we all like to have meaning to our existence. Having a specialized astrology chart gives answers to our madness, personality and relationships with others, as well as giving us predictions for our future. It’s human nature to seek out the unexplainable. Hating on people who believe in astrology is lame; odds are you’ve seen your astrology chart and just can’t accept that you’re a Gemini.
So whether you’re a perfectionist Virgo, a self-obsessed Leo, an indecisive Libra or an impatient Aries, let’s all come together and agree that Pisces are the worst. Kidding…sort of. But seriously, zodiac signs really do bring a community together and allow us all to have a sense of purpose. So I urge you to read over your astrology chart if you haven’t already, but be warned, you might have an existential crisis over how accurate it is. And just consider me passionate about this topic; it’s the Scorpio sun in me.
No…we without a doubt need to keep NASA.
Hi. It’s your new favorite “Gemini,” and I’m here to tell you how zodiac signs are a hoax. How can a pattern of stars tell me everything I need to know about myself? How can they “predict my future” or tell me who I’m compatible with?
I’m going to be completely honest here, astrology confuses me. A simple article explaining my sign feels like an “all about me” project I made in second grade. It’s like my computer is stalking me. Can they hear what I’m saying? How did that Buzzfeed quiz I took last week labeled, “Can We Actually Guess Your Zodiac Sign Based On Your Food And Drink Preference” know I was a Gemini? What gave it away, the fact that I like pizza? I prefer Sprite over Dr. Pepper? This theory is dumb, because my birth month has nothing to do with my personality, or food favorites. Seems like a lucky guess to me.
Astrology dates back very far, 1500 BC to be exact. People would use planets, stars and birthdays to predict individual destiny. When I looked up my fate on Google, I was told I would be a great “bubble gum wrapper joke writer.” No, really, costarastrology.com told me so, and I think I’ll take it as a compliment. Clearly the motive behind astrology has changed quite a bit over the years. I highly doubt ancient Mesopotamians predicted that each other would be bubble gum wrapper joke writers.
Even from back then, there is no scientific evidence to back up that zodiac signs are real. The horoscopes we read about ourselves are vaguely specific. They are so detailed, which makes us think they are true, and that we relate to them on a personal level. Yet, they are so vague and random that our imaginations can alter them to fit anyone we want them to.
For instance, when I looked up my horoscope on the internet, it said, “There is never a dull moment when you’re around a Gemini.” Does this mean every other sign is dull? Are Geminis truly the greatest astrological sign? That same article by prepscholar.com said, “Geminis love to be the center of attention.” A statement like this can be true for any other sign as well. After all, everyone is different. With astrology, people pick and choose what they want to believe. While one Gemini may be the most talkative person you know, another could be shy and closed off.
When Googling “Gemini flaws,” you would be surprised with what comes up. Did you know Geminis are most likely to get involved in crimes of fraud? Like seriously, who comes up with this stuff? They also tend to be “indecisive, impulsive, manipulative, and judgmental.” I don’t judge anyone…OK maybe I am a little judgy, but this characteristic doesn’t only apply to me.
One takeaway you should have from this piece is to always remember, if you ever see me in the news for committing a major act of fraud, know that it’s justified. XOXO, your new favorite Gemini.