Ever since I showed up with my straight-across bangs, glasses and braces freshman year, it’s been painfully obvious I’m not the type to enjoy high school. Football games bore me, the pep rallies make me nauseous and the only time you’ll hear me shout “1-5” is if I’m being sarcastic. I’ve been looking forward to this column for so long I started writing it over the summer, and I’ve had a countdown to graduation since July.

At the beginning of this year, when people asked if I could believe I was a senior, I answered with a simple “Yes” and enjoyed watching their surprise at my lack of nostalgia. I relished my simple hatred of high school.

But as much as I might have protested to the contrary at the beginning of the year, it hasn’t been all bad. My absolute favorite class I’ve taken at KHS is AP Lit with Mr. McCarthy, and one thing he continually stresses is to embrace complexity in what we read. And I think this goes for life too. Instead of deciding to just feel one way about anything, we — I — should embrace the complexity of the moment.

I had this column all written, and it was about how I didn’t enjoy high school, but I’m better because of it. When I wrote it, I was clinging to a negative mindset about every facet of this year. Even Call, which had been my favorite part of KHS.

In spite of this being my my third and final year of Call, everything felt unfamiliar. My senior friends were gone, so I had to make new friends in a new SJ with a new position I didn’t feel suited for. I’m very much a creature of habit, and all this newness was hard to adjust to. While I was determined to give it my best, I wasn’t at all hopeful about enjoying any of it.

But around the start of second semester, I started embracing the complexity of my emotions. And my life got so much better. I started writing again, and I was finally able to let some of my walls down instead of clinging to the memory of the people who used to mean Call for me. At late nights, I went from sitting as far away from everyone as I could to tap dancing to “Shake it Off” for all to see.

This column was supposed to showcase my remarkable hatred for every aspect of high school, but that’s just not true. I arrived at KHS nerdy, hopeful, terrified, excited and naive all at the same time, and my emotions as I leave are just as varied.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.