*This blog is entirely satirical and not intended to offend our audience.

KIRKWOOD, Mo. – Every night, I toss and turn in my bed realizing my worst fears are coming true; America is under attack. Everywhere I look, the borders are collapsing as millions upon millions of immigrants steal our American jobs. Worse, even more outsiders bust down the walls of this fine nation. First it was the people coming in through the South, spreading the Mexican language all over. But now, this new group, the “Syrians” have made life a whole lot harder. It was bad enough when we had to exclude one ethnic group, but now two? It’s getting harder and harder to suppress minorities. These job stealers just march into whatever country they want, taking the livelihoods of the hard working folk with their laziness.

Here’s some background information: these people got a little “uncomfortable” in their country because they had a little domestic skirmish. America had a civil war before, and you didn’t see us fleeing. Anyway, these lazy folks decided to start taking boats all over Europe to escape their hard, hard lives. I mean, any unmotivated person would risk their life to find sanctuary in a country that doesn’t want them in the first place. When they arrive to these countries, they take up all the resources, effectively destroying the nation from the inside. Some liberals say data shows immigrants actually helping the economy after a couple years, but this is rubbish. It’s just another one of the left’s schemes. America is different and doesn’t support this foolishness.
We need to get together and banish this group from America. Clearly they are here to take jobs, take government resources and spread radical ISIS philosophies. Escaping from a war-torn Syria is clearly just an excuse for coming here. Of course every single immigrant of the hundreds of thousands are just trying to hurt America. I long for the good old days where people could exclude others without judgement.