*This piece is entirely satirical

The holiday season may seem distant, but it’s never too early to start preparing. Just like the rapidly oncoming holiday spirit, the destruction of planet earth as we know it may be just around the corner as well. With the self-destructive nature of the human species the apocalypse will most likely come soon. Have no fear, we can still hope to get one last wish list written for all of your Black Friday shopping needs before the Doomsday clock strikes twelve. For when the collapse of civilization comes, here are six things that will have you sitting cozy and won’t break the bank.

1. Gas mask– For whatever the wasteland throws at you, the trusty old gas mask is a must have. Sure, most masks on the market look a bit spooky, but with a few short minutes of bedazzling, your loot runs can be functional and stylish.
2. Furbys– The hottest toy is back again, so why not stock up on them in case they become the future currency of the atomic wasteland. They’re also great for the kids and will comfort them through every possible scenario. I would advise keeping an ample supply in your bunker.
3. Top notch bunker security system- Furbys may become a scarce commodity when judgment day comes, and I never said protecting them them would be easy. Defending your most valuable resources should always come first when it comes to a desperate survival situation (and then I guess your family and loved ones).
4. Hazmat suit– Nothing screams style like the color yellow this fall. Preventing radiation burns and shielding from acid rain are secondary features of the unique flair and stunning fashion in the hazmat suit. There are plenty of deals online, so get it soon before you have to fight someone over it.
5. A highly advanced military grade satellite array– This one is for all you tech nerds out there. It may appear to be difficult but with a few deep eBay searches, you’ll be broadcasting distress signals before you know it. Plus, who knows, maybe when civilization falls you could enjoy a few episodes of “Friends” while you’re at it.
6. Board games- You’ll most likely have to spend a lot of time in your bunker, so break the tension of being locked in a metal box buried 15 feet below the earth, the easiest way to do so is with a couple of fun games. Board games are a great way to temporarily forget about the burning stimulus to kill each other and maybe even have a bit of fun on the side. Luckily, this shopping season has plenty of hot new titles such as “Apocalypse Monopoly” or “Jenga, The Sequel”. You’ll probably use them as firewood anyway.